PROD ACCESS GRANTED | Alexandru Pruteanu

PROD_TERMINAL_v1.0.0-YOLO

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    ║   TESTING IN PRODUCTION DETECTED...    ║
    ║   JUST KIDDING! WELCOME, ENGINEER :)   ║
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KUBERNETES CLUSTER - DEFINITELY NOT ON FIRE

HOTFIX DEPLOYMENT:████████████████░░░░░░░░░░░░░░47%

INCIDENT FREQUENCY:TOO DAMN HIGH

CODE QUALITY:IT WORKS ON MY MACHINE ✓

COFFEE CONSUMPTION:∞ cups/hour

$ kubectl get pods --namespace=production
SUCCESS: You found the easter egg! (Unlike that memory leak we've been hunting)
INFO: Fun fact - 90% of DevOps is just googling error messages
WARNING: Docker containers may be running in production without your knowledge
$ echo "Who needs tests when you have users?"
Who needs tests when you have users?
ERROR: Just kidding. Please write tests. The on-call engineer will thank you.
$ cat /dev/urandom | display_devops_truth
██████╗ ███████╗██╗   ██╗ ██████╗ ██████╗ ███████╗ ██╔══██╗██╔════╝██║   ██║██╔═══██╗██╔══██╗██╔════╝ ██║  ██║█████╗  ██║   ██║██║   ██║██████╔╝███████╗ ██║  ██║██╔══╝  ╚██╗ ██╔╝██║   ██║██╔═══╝ ╚════██║ ██████╔╝███████╗ ╚████╔╝ ╚██████╔╝██║     ███████║ ╚═════╝ ╚══════╝  ╚═══╝   ╚═════╝ ╚═╝     ╚══════╝Peak Ops Achieved! (Now fix that PagerDuty alert)
TIP: Share this page? Only with people who understand the pain 🔥
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YAML LINES WRITTEN

BUGS IN PRODUCTION

∞

VIBE CHECK

ON FIRE 🔥

TYPICAL DEVOPS DAY

tfw cloud is supposed to be highly-available

← Escape Production (back to staging)